Uncategorized – Page 5 – Milestones and Miracles

TRUSTING MY GUT. AND HIS. One Mom’s journey in understanding the gut to brain connection.

January 6, 2014/0 Comments/in child development, Feingold, food allergies, Nutrition, parenting, Uncategorized /by admin

I always felt destined that I would have a child with special needs. I felt that because of my love for special needs children it would be completely natural for me to love and raise such a unique child. This was not a fantasy…I never imagined it would be easy or that I could do it alone, but I felt by the grace of God I could and would handle it. I knew from an early age I had a special talent or gift in working with children with special needs. The first thing I told others I wanted to be when I grew up was a special education teacher. I would spend my recess playing with Lacey and Albert, whom both had Down’s Syndrome, helping them learn to see-saw (I know, I am dating myself!) or play ball. From an early age I had the gift of patience. And even then I remember after spending time with Lacey and Albert, I felt full, renewed, satisfied that I had done something that day that mattered. As I got older my dream of becoming a special education teacher changed to wanting to become a speech-language pathologist, which is what I ended up getting my master’s degree in from WVU (Go Mountaineers!). This profession has fit me perfectly. I get to play with children every day that I work all while helping them achieve one of the greatest gifts we too often take for granted, communication.

So after graduating, getting my first job and getting married it was soon time to start discussing children with my husband. We started our family and after 3 healthy children were born we decided we were complete. Despite them all being healthy, I still had this urge that I was meant to mother a special needs child.

While my second child, Big O (as we lovingly call him, he was 9lbs. 4 oz at birth!), has never officially been diagnosed with a medical condition, he has taught me A LOT about unique challenges in his short 5 years of existence. All the things I did right (and had no guilt over) in raising his older sister were all WRONG with him. He didn’t sleep as well as she did, he nursed ALL the time, he didn’t respond to traditional discipline methods and he wasn’t (and still isn’t) scared of my “angry” voice. While he stole hearts with his unique look and deep toddler voice, he had a tendency toward ornery-ness and everyone described him as “all boy”. The day he turned two, something changed in him. He upped his game. But I just regarded it as the terrible two’s and didn’t give his acting out much more thought than that. Then he turned 3…and he upped his game even more. But I just attributed his behavior fluctuations to the tumultuous threes, and blamed the fact that he was about to become a middle child and that we had just moved into a new house, neighborhood and state. Then he turned 4. My third child had just been born a couple of months before so his world had been turned upside down, I was hormonal and definitely more impatient than normal and he was just (very) strong willed. Needless to say, over the past year or so we (my husband and I) have begun figuring out the puzzle of our Big O.

Allow me to elaborate:

Owen is strong willed, he was described by his preschool teacher (with 15+ years experience) as the strongest willed child she had ever worked with…thanks, I guess. He had his own ideas and there was no persuading, bribing or convincing him otherwise. I found nothing that motivated him consistently, nor did I find a discipline method/punishment that worked consistently. I searched, discussed, cried, prayed and felt ashamed that I, being a person who works with young children daily, couldn’t figure out my own child. After my third child was born I hit a breaking point. I couldn’t do it anymore. I wasn’t myself. I had become so impatient with my children and husband, some mornings I didn’t want to get out of bed for fear it would be another “bad” day for Owen/me/us. He argued with me over EVERYTHING…what to eat for breakfast, what to wear, whether or not he would brush his teeth, leaving for preschool was a fight, drop off at preschool was sometimes difficult, and the list goes on. At its peak, he began to have small outbursts where he would get upset over something that made no sense to me and there seemed to be no trigger…I couldn’t figure it out.

I started where most parents turn for help – Books. I read books on strong willed children and talked to friends about discipline methods they recommended. The Strong Willed Child, You Can’t Make Me But I Can Be Persuaded, 1-2-3 Magic (for the 3^rd time!) all resonated in me. I gathered different tips from all of their talented authors but none “fixed” our situation completely.

God bless my BFF and business partner, Nicole and my mother. They spent hours on the phone with me counseling, encouraging and listening. Finally during a phone conversation with Nicole on a weekday morning after an awful weekend of trying soccer with Owen, she helped me realize I had to reach out for help. What was going on was more than I could figure out on my own. My ego was bruised, but I felt relief at the same time. It was time to surrender. Sometimes you just have to know when to fold ‘em.

We started with our pediatrician at O’s yearly well visit. After O left the room she and I had a lengthy discussion about what was going on with Owen’s behavior. She was wonderful, attentive and concerned. She reassured me by saying she felt it was mostly a matter of maturation and that she didn’t believe any diet out there would help transform his behavior. Whew…I was off the hook with the whole diet thing. I had heard of a diet that could possibly help kids with symptoms similar to O’s but I was afraid to try it. It would be a lot of work and I mean, seriously, if my pediatrician doesn’t believe in it, then really, it must not be worth even a try…or was it?

So I walked away not feeling like that was the end of the story. That wasn’t enough for me. So I decided it was time to reach out to the wonderful women I am blessed to work with every day in my job as an early interventionist. I contacted Leslie, one of the most awesome and knowledgeable Occupational Therapists I have ever known. She recommended a brushing program to address O’s sensory needs.

Next, I spoke to Chrissy, the most patient, wise and amazing behavior analyst EVER! She sacrificed 4 hours on a Saturday afternoon to discuss our concerns and get to know O. Her suggested behavioral strategies were so simple, yet so profoundly impactful. She educated me on “the beast” that made it hard for O to listen, follow through, and give up control. Understanding how his mind was working helped me to understand why what we were doing wasn’t working and why what she was suggesting would work. I wish she could move in with us!

I knew if we were going to give O (and us) the best chance for positive change, we had to go full throttle. It was a combination of my years working as a therapist and hearing of parents doing the Feingold diet, Leslie’s experience using the diet with her children and Chrissy’s encouragement (You can do anything for 30 days!) that drove us to give Feingold a shot.

Except for the little I knew about the diet through my work, I didn’t really have a good understanding of the Feingold diet. I overheard some moms at the local book fair discussing how red dye made their sons “crazy”. My ears perked up as I eavesdropped on their conversation and the wheels in my head began to turn…could this be something that might help O? Did he really get that much red and yellow food dye anyway? In December 2012 my husband and I began reading food labels and eliminating anything that had red dye #40 and yellow #5. These two food dyes have the worst reputation of the bunch, so it was obvious for us to cut them out first. After a couple of weeks we noticed a change; O was more in tune with us and what was going on in his environment. Hmmmm…this is when we began to wonder if there was something to this.

January started out good with preschool and O’s overall behavior at home. Then about half way through the month things started getting back to his “normal”. All in one month, his teacher asked me to stay so she could speak with me about O’s day, I broke down in front of his teachers, and I lost my cool with O in the car after a not-so-good note came home from school. I couldn’t keep keeping on like this…

When I would speak to O about what “bad” things happened at school or at home during the day he would say to me, “But mom, it’s just so hard for me to be nice” or “It’s just too hard for me to do my work”. And after hearing this a few times I began to believe him. I finally began to realize there was something in him that he couldn’t control. He knew he should resist, he knew right from wrong, but something wouldn’t allow him to do the right thing. Something inside his little mind wouldn’t allow him to give up the control.

So by now it was March. We were still cutting out obvious food dyes and I had just been in contact with Chrissy, my behavior analyst friend who encouraged me to give Feingold a try for at least 30 days. Because if I didn’t, I would always wonder, “What if…”. So nearly kicking and screaming I borrowed the materials from a friend who had done the diet with her boys in the past. And they sat on my office desk for weeks…then one day I picked them up. This turned out to be one of the best moves of my life, and O’s.

My first trip to the grocery store was grueling. Book in hand, Coke (my indulgent beverage of choice!) in cart, and cash, lots of cash in my wallet I made it through the organic aisle and walked out with a cart full of what I hoped were Feingold friendly groceries. The next day I visited Whole Foods…whoa…cha-ching! I have only made two trips there in 8 months. There are certainly a few things I can only get from there, but thankfully my local store can supply most of our weekly essentials and Whole Foods is proving to be only a quarterly necessity. My budget is thankful for that!

After those first trips my head hurt! I had decided that for this to work the whole family had to go on the diet in the beginning, for at least the first 6 weeks (stage 1 of the Feingold Diet). It certainly wouldn’t hurt any of us to eat a little cleaner! So that’s where we started. All in. Feingold followers we were all becoming!

It has been nearly 10 months since we began following Feingold. We will not turn back now. With each passing week the food shopping and planning becomes easier and the change in my son is all I need to know we are doing the right thing. As thankful as I am for the verbal support and encouragement I received in the beginning, I longed for more practical tips, recipes and guidance to get me started. That’s why I wanted to write this blog.

As moms we all belong to each other, I believe. What I know about raising kids I am happy to share with someone who is struggling. And what I don’t know (diet, behavior strategies, sensory help, etc.) I want others to share with me. That was the motivation behind Nicole and I developing 1-2-3 Just Play With Me; a resource that shares with others what we know helps infants and toddlers grow, develop and build bonds with their families. As we have pushed forward promoting our product we have remained mothers at home to our collective 5 children, who daily teach us MORE that we want to share.

I hope this blog encourages all those that can identify with our story. I pray that you too reach out for help, lighten the load on your own shoulders, stop blaming yourself for what you can’t fix and find support in those you call upon. In the weeks to follow I will be posting more from our Feingold journey thus far. If you are on a similar journey, we would love to hear from you. We all belong to each other…we are all in this together!

O enjoying a red Hug Jug pre-Feingold!

To learn more about the Feingold Diet and The Feingold Association of the United States please visit www.feingold.org.

Toddlers Need Tweezers

January 3, 2014/0 Comments/in Best Toys, child development, Fine Motor Development, Learning through play, parenting, Uncategorized /by admin

Hi friends. Happy 2014.

Wishing you health & happiness in the new year. We know that our Milestones & Miracles friends KNOW that regular PLAY (for kids and adults) contributes to keeping us all happy and healthy.

So if you are planning on spending time in creative play this year – we wanted to take a moment to share a fun way to shake up regular play and to make it purposeful play with very little work/effort!

Remember toys that looked like this?

jack_in_the_box_1 10631windup_toy top

They made us exercise our hands without even knowing it. They strengthen tiny muscles in the hand that help with handwriting, pinching, poking, pointing, sewing (so I hear?), crafting, cooking, or whatever we use our hands for in our work (hammering, typing, drawing etc.).

Toys that are more prominent in our stores today – like the one below, don’t challenge tiny hands in big ways.

But have no fear. Just because it’s not easy to find in a store – doesn’t mean we shouldn’t seek it out. Think of all the ways your child plays. How many of those activities could you add a set of plastic tweezers to? Tweezers are fun for kids (“Really Mom I can use this TOOL?”) and can add that needed fine motor attention that many toys lack.

This set can be found HERE on Amazon.

A quick glance at our MOTOR PLAY BOARD on Pinterest, shares ideas we found through a quick search, like these.

I personally love the bug option! But think beyond these examples…

Why not let your child eat snack with their tweezers?

Picking weeds with tweezers is helpful and fun!

So is sorting socks into matches (and you’ve thrown in a cognitive skill too!)

For larger items – use salad tongs – why not clean up the playroom this way?

Like these suggestions? We LOVE adding purpose to play! That’s why we filled this sweet box with detailed developmental milestones paired with purposeful play ideas that are perfectly matched for your child’s interest at each step along the way! We’d love to send you 3 years of PLAY today – visit us here!

Have you ever used tweezers with your child? Or a child you work with? What creative ways do you like to enhance play with fine motor work with tweezers?

Don’t Check Out Yet! Things to consider before choosing toys for your child!

December 23, 2013/0 Comments/in Uncategorized /by admin

Do you still have last minute shopping to do for that new baby of yours?

Before you head out to that mainstream toy store, may I offer a helpful word? (Or maybe a few)

I’ll keep it short and sweet…it is 2 days before Christmas. None of us has time.

WHAT EARLY INTERVENTION THERAPISTS WANT YOU TO KNOW ABOUT BUYING YOUR BABY TOYS:

1. PLEASE consider your child’s developmental level before purchasing that toy. This may seem easier than it actually is. I know what you are thinking – “Oh I do that. The age is on the box.” But consider this. Those big toy stores also sell this to parents of new babies.

Even if you have no familiarity with child development, I’m sure any adult (when they step back from the marketing trance) inherently KNOWS – this is not developmentally appropriate. So don’t trust that the age on that box matches with your child’s age. Educate yourself on REAL development before you head out. There are lots of ways to do this. We think we have one of the easiest for parents (info on your child’s age paired with practical play suggestions will even fit in your bag – click here if interested), but whether you choose our product to educate yourself or some other way – just choose something!

2. WHY DOES IT MATTER you ask? Here’s why. Babies learn through PLAY. Purposeful play that matches their current developmental level matters more than you think. This type of play develops the brain in ways that will be essential for function later in life. YES, I mean it. BLOCK PLAY helps the brain in many way – but most importantly with spatial reasoning – used for everything from putting leftovers away in the correct sized container to geometry. Play that encourages language prepares your child for their future relationships with peers, family, and co-workers. Motor based play makes sure their bone density develops so they don’t get stress fractures during the first year of soccer. I could go on for hours. TRUST ME. It matters.

3. If it matters, why don’t the stores tell me? Or why don’t they sell things that are more appropriate for my baby? Simple. You will buy that plastic laptop, handheld game player, cell phone, play table, cube – whatever – that counts, and sings the alphabet in 4 languages. And they know you will. And so will your neighbor. And your sister. And your cousin. And the MAJORITY of new parents. Why? Because the people selling those products are also sharing the message (even if it is not directly marketed that way) that your 18 month old needs to know her ABC’s. And you are hearing it (even if you don’t realize you do) and you are also hearing society’s pressure with that little voice in your head that whispers “If she can’t count to 10 in the next few months like Smarty Pants down the street, she’ll never get in to Harvard, and she’ll never be happy.” (OK – maybe an exaggeration- but you get the point). So without even consciously thinking – you go. You become the ant in the marching line buying the light up toy so your baby will be happy and smart. AND NOT LEFT BEHIND. Only wait – what REALLY will make your baby smart is not those toys, but your pots and pans. Or a wooden ring stacker or shape sorter, or some home made toys like those found HERE. But…guess what? Those don’t cost nearly as much. Or anything. Pause for a second and think about WHO is telling you WHAT to buy and WHY.

Do they have your child’s best interest at heart? The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends NO SCREEN TIME (that’s right zero TV, DVDS, Any Media devices with screens) before 2 years of age. Why do a large portion of “baby toys” involve this type of media? Empower yourself to become the deciding factor in what your child learns and plays with.

4. Ok I’m on board. I’m ready to help my baby be happy. And smart. And healthy. And I’m ready to spend less money. But where do I find these toys? It’s not easy. This I know. Our first suggestion is make them. There are lots of suggestions on our PINTEREST PAGE for DIY PLAY that are cheap and pretty easy (neither of us is overly crafty – promise). And yes, you can make your baby a toy and wrap it. He/She doesn’t know the difference. We also offer a board with toys for each age and continuously add new favorites. 1-2-3 Just Play With Me includes a reference section that shares toy suggestions by age and type of play. Next, think local. Google “developmental toy store” and look for shops in your area. In November of 2013, we started selling 1-2-3 Just Play With Me to store like this. Check our retail link for the growing number of these types of shops. Many sell online as well. When in doubt – search online for the brand. We like and trust names like HABA, Melissa & Doug, Manhattan Toys to name a few. Sill in doubt? Check out our BLACK FRIDAY shopping post or ask us on FACEBOOK – we love to help shop!

5. What else do I need to know?

Less is more. Too many toys are overwhelming and confusing. Keep it simple. Set limits. Show your love with your time – not your wallet.

The best way to play is WITH YOU. We all learn through examples. Your presence (not presents!) and your child’s imagination are the secret ingredients for successful learning through play!

I had a conversation with an old friend who is a new dad yesterday. He asked for my advice on toys and I shared most of what I wrote here (thanks for inspiring this post D!). He agreed and was excited about what we discussed but joked, “OK, I guess we are taking everything back!” Sorry to him (and to you) if I just created some extra errands for you, but TRUST US…when you pair your child’s developmental level (interests and abilities) with purposeful play – you will see (and enjoy) the magic of PLAY – not just on Christmas morning!

Interested in the concept of pairing development with play – more tips for toy shopping can be found HERE, including questions to ask yourself before checking out with that toy.

Growing Your Own Virtual Village

November 11, 2013/0 Comments/in child development, Family, Inspiration, Learning through play, New baby, parenting, Uncategorized /by admin

I’m a big believer in the concept that a village raises a child. Whether it’s your Mommy Posse of friends that become family or your actually family, in my mind, the more people loving a child, the better for that child.

My family is big (in numbers and personalities). Growing up I believed it typical that everyone’s grandmother watched them daily (along with most of their cousins) and cooked dinner for 10 or more people many weekday evenings, 15 or more on weekends, and 40+ on holidays. Everyone does that, right?

Growing up, I also knew there were MANY eyes on me. Eyes that read me stories, eyes that smiled when I had a birthday, a sporting event, or a good report card, and eyes that were watching if I chose to make a bad decision. It was like having many sets of parents — the good and the bad parts (coming from a child’s view) but now, as an adult, I know it was all good.

My mom has a much younger sister (a surprising joy to our family) and her children were born when I was in my late teens. They moved to Canada but that did not stop the family village. We spoke regularly enough to know, celebrate, discuss, & analyze most of their childhood and teen years – from first steps and words, to first dates, to first day of living in new college apartments. We drove them crazy, but I loved really “knowing” them, despite the geographical distance. (p.s. my hunch is – they will agree with me one day).

As our family grows – and grows – and grows (our next baby is coming in February!), and spreads out across this beautiful world, it could be harder to stay in “the know” with the family, but it hasn’t been…because of the two miracles we call FaceTime & Skype.

As ignorantly irritated as I get when I don’t have wi-fi or our home server is down (how impatient and obnoxious is that?), I am incredibly awed by the fact that I can share a conversation with my cousin Tania in France while she gives her baby a bath at night and I prep dinner. I adore the fact that we get to see Halloween costumes and Christmas gifts live with my cousin Nina’s boys in Colorado. We are able to see my newly married cousin’s exciting house renovations and weigh in on tile and paint choices. I’m amazed that my 83 year old immigrant grandmother spends many hours a day warmed by the virtual presence of her cousins across the globe (literally). Years ago, they might be luckily to have 1 phone call a year!

And as a mother now myself, I am so thankful that my family stays connected with my daughters and that they learn what life is like all over the place in a “real time” way. My cousins in Kuwait have shown them sand storms out the window of their home. Australian cousins have shared their view of winter even though it is blazing hot summer here in WV at the same time (this BLOWS the kids minds!). My Teta (grandmother) shares live cooking shows of what she is making. My girls read books and share art projects and lost teeth with my in-laws. My Aunt Lisa watched my daughter’s entire 4 year old birthday party via her laptop (yes she’s awesome). Skype and Face time bring those we love and miss right into our living room and next to us at the dinner table.

The aspect that I love the most about the endless opportunities of “virtual visiting” is when it comes to babies. I LOVE my family and I LOVE their new babies even more. It’s actually painful at times not to be able to scoop up those babies, bring over a lasagna and do a load of laundry, or babysit in a pinch when distance forbids it. But visiting through the web is the next best thing. I want the babies in my family to KNOW me and my family. I want to be a part of their village. I want to be the eyes that celebrate, love, and watch out for them.

Our newest baby for the moment is sweet Lilie Rose, who lives in the lovely South of France (lucky her). (Side note: if you are interested in how having a baby in France differs from the US — Read HERE – it’s our personal family observation). We saw her last April and won’t see her in person again until July. She has and will change incredible since then, and thanks to Face Time, I haven’t had to miss much. I’m sure I drive my cousin crazy at times, but when I Face Time with her I also do some of the same things, (most of which are act like a total lunatic) because I want her to recognize and know me too. I always sing her the “Itsy Bitsy Spider” (it’s our thing) and she now smiles as soon as I start despite the fact that I am a HORRIBLE singer. Family loves you no matter what, right? Here is Lilie and I sharing some time together (excuse the appearance – ehh – It’s because of the time change 🙂

Banana Phone Call For Miss Lilie Rose

Imitation – she can open her mouth like me (luckily she is not as scary!)

Washed the Spider Out! (her favorite part!)

If you have family (or friends that are like family) spread out, do you spend time visiting them via the Internet? What are fun ways you engage with them? If not, I encourage you to give it a try. There are many ideas to connect and play with babies and young kids even if you can’t be in the same room.

Here are some to try:

READ – chose the same bedtime story to share repetitively (make it YOUR thing) or introduce new ones.
SING – (even if you are bad – like me). Young children love songs and finger plays (and they really enhance language development).
BABBLE AND PLAY – babies learn imitation before they learn conversation (more on that HERE). Be a part of the team that uses purposeful play to start that first conversation.
SHARE – Your meal, your home, your yard, your day. Children learn through exposure. Your environment is certainly different that theirs, so play show and tell online!
QUESTION – if they are old enough to talk, ask questions. How was their day? Where is their favorite toy? Can they jump yet? Ask them to show you!

Need more ideas to enhance purposeful play in person or online? Click here! (We ship for free and can include a personal gift card when sent as a gift!)

I am Physical Therapist. I don’t have extended formal training on how the minds of young children emotionally develop. I am not a child psychologist, but I am a daughter, a mother, a niece, a sister, a granddaughter, a daughter and sister in law, a cousin and a BELIEVER that growing the number of people who love and are involved with your child can only be a good thing. It was for me. I know it will be for my girls.

The Importance of The Halloween Clearance Sale

October 24, 2013/0 Comments/in Uncategorized /by admin

Candy to buy. Pumpkins to carve. Cider to pour. It’s almost time! I love Halloween. It’s the one holiday that we actually give to kids to let them do what they want – run around all sugared up dressed as whatever their imaginations can dream up. It’s imaginary play at it’s finest. And while the costumes on the shelves today might be ridiculously over priced, they will be marked down next week. So get ready parents, because the Halloween after sale holds more importance than you think. Most think those odds and ends that don’t really make a full costume are not worth the time, but those are my most favorite. Why? Halloween costume pieces are one of my favorite FOREVER TOYS. At Milestones & Miracles, we hold high regard for the FOREVER TOY – The toy that has the desirable quality of actually not DOING IT ALL for your child – the toy that has infinite possibilities – when all you add is a child’s imagination.

So make a date with the sales next week and pick up those odds and ends. I promise you, they will be well worth their money in the long run. Here’s some examples of how we play with them in our house.

Old Halloween costumes, dance costumes, and dress up clothes hang on a small hanger rack in our basement. From the time our kids were 18 months or so until now (7 & 9 years old), they have loved having the independence of choosing their own fun clothes to play in.

Odds & ends may be junk to some, but not to our crew. Some came from Halloween, others from parties, the dollar store, or yes – even Mom’s old ballet slippers.

My old scrapbook bins (no, I don’t have time for scrapping right now) have turned into a home for beads, buttons, tiaras, and play make up.

Example of creative genius #1: My nephew turned my old lab coat, an outdated video camera, my Dad’s broken reading glasses, and a crazy old clown wig into a mad scientist costume that I just loved!

Soon to be added to our clothing rack of fun – this years costumes – my pink lady, and…

my sweet as sugar Southern Belle

Toddlers have waddled in plastic high heels on our floors, preschoolers have directed their first plays in these costumes, and my elementary schoolers have directed many music videos (imagine 20 different Gangham Style versions and countless Taylor Swift videos). Sometimes the clutter and the constant need to direct the clean up of these gems drives be batty, but the joy of watching their imaginations soar with these FOREVER TOYS is well worth it every time.

What are ways you encourage imaginative play into your children’s lives? What are their favorite characters to dress up like? Share with us!

Invite Your Kids (Even Babies) To Sunday Dinner! Why We Need To Fight Against The Extinction Of Family Meals.

October 13, 2013/0 Comments/in child development, Family, Nutrition, parenting, Uncategorized /by admin

It’s Sunday. Are you having Family Dinner? What does it look like for you?

Is it this?

Or this?

Or even this?

Is your table where you serve your food, or your back seat?

Let me start by saying that a friend of mine recently commented that she felt guilty that her son had to eat dinner on the way to soccer practice and I reassured her of her Mommy-Awesomeness by revealing the impressive fact that my daughter ate Mac-N-Cheese for dinner on the way to dance that was served in a glass measuring cup because all the bowls were dirty! (Who can beat that I ask you?)

The strong current of society pushing the average family (mine included) so swiftly that it somehow keeps up from remembering the importance of how a family meal contributes to a child’s development and frankly, the health of all of us.

Before we had children, my husband and I are at the kitchen table at times, but more often than not, we ate in front of the good old TV. Not a proud admission, but when there is just two of you, setting the table seems a bit – much. Or at least it did for me EVERY night. When we started having children, that shifted. MANY of my memories of childhood centered around the table. From secrets at the “kid table” (which I sat at until a few years ago) with my cousins to reading the morning paper with my parents over breakfast, sharing a meal together was part of our regular existence and for good reason. I wanted the same for my daughters.

Children who eat at the table with their parents learn many things, and I am not talking about what fork to use first. At family meals, children learn to make EYE CONTACT. They learn to use MANNERS. They practice the fine ART OF CONVERSATION (with actual voices and not just text messages). They learn SOCIAL ETIQUETTE such as taking turns when speaking and LISTENING to what matters to someone they care about. The greatest part of all of this – they get to practice all of this in the safety net of the people who love them most in the world – their parents and siblings! The family meal is where children can take a stab at the something besides the entree – they can explore social relationships with people of various ages and learn from real experiences how to connect with others over a meal. And guess what? As adults – this is a skill they will NEED.

Do you know how early this starts? Ready for it?… IMMEDIATELY.

Here are some ideas to make this look real for our families.

A newborn can be held during dinner or placed in a safe place near the table (this may be my only endorsement of what I call the “baby container.” Usually I am not a fan, HERE’S WHY). Hearing the voices of his/her family members and smelling new smells are important SENSORY EXPERIENCES.

An older baby will watch you eat before he/she does. Yes, sucking is a natural reflex, but chewing is a learned one. I remember a bright and loving parent, whose daughter was blind, ask me how she could teach her to chew and spit out toothpaste. (With help – we found a way, but the example illustrates that activities as simple as chewing must be modeled). If a baby is not given a place at the table, he/she is denied the modeled example of many DAILY SKILLS, like chewing, but also drinking from a cup, using a spoon etc.

An even older baby, learns to IMITATE at the table. The meal provides opportunity to mimic behaviors he/she views. In addition to the chewing example, the baby learns to self feed using both hands and utensils. Yes, this is MESSY, but that’s what wipes are for. Babies don’t learn to feed themselves (or do anything else) without PRACTICE first. (Plus one day that spaghetti face picture will be really funny). Did you know that once a child can imitate a motor behavior (sometimes as subtle as sticking out his/her tongue), he/she can imitate language? Think about it,modeling simple movements (blinking eyes, clapping hands, banging toy on tray) all come before language. Family meal times are a great place to practice this essential skill. More about that HERE.

Children learn WHO THEIR PEOPLE ARE at the table. Receptive language (understanding) comes before verbal language (expression of words). Ask your baby where his/her sibling, parent, dog are – they’ll surprise you by looking right at them, before they can call them by name. Practicing this at meal time with people or objects (where is the banana?) gives baby an opportunity to recognize and eventually verbalize to “their people.” Think of it as your 1st family conversation. Soak it up!

Children develop a variety of PREFERENCES for food at the family meal. Experiment with different textures, colors, smells, tastes, and temperatures (all as your pediatrician advises) and you will quickly learn even more about your child. My 9 year old is not a fan of meat – and in true form, at her first taste of the baby food version of chicken, she promptly vomited it right back out at me. Meat clearly was not her preference. Note taken. (Pass the wipes please, Honey).

Meal times are also a place to share early information about NUTRITION. If I let my daughter make her own decisions, she would chose noodles, rice, pizza, and bread every night. It’s not been an easy road to her seat at our dinner table, but she finally understands that she needs all of the food groups at each meal and why. This can start at an early age for any child. Keep it simple and in terms children can understand at their age – “Fruits provide vitamins that help keep you from getting sick. Dairy keeps your bones and teeth strong. Vegetables are important for your eyes, skin, and hair. Protein helps build muscles so you can lift heavy things and complex carbohydrates give you energy to run for a long time.” Trust me, kids understand this much more than “clear your plate because I said so.” Let’s be real – they come out selfish little people and if they realize there is something in it for them, they are often more motivated. (My latest attempt for my vertically challenged offspring is that to get out of the booster seat like their pals, they’ll need to eat well to grow. I’m hoping this works before I drop them off at their first junior high dance.) Teaching this can be fun! Have younger kids? Model balanced nutrition with pretend play foods! We use My Plate. I keep a copy on the side of the fridge and they need to compare their plate to this example.

If they don’t want the salmon I made, that’s fine with us, as long as they 1) choose another healthy protein (nuts or peanut butter are popular choices in our house) and 2) I don’t have to make it. (Nope, I do wear many hats but short order cook is not one I claim). I wish my children were more adventurous with foods, but I gave up the battle for a wide variety long ago and focused on healthy balance. I hear variety should increase with age – I’m not holding but breath but found this information on answering the question of “Is your Child a Picky Eater or Problem Feeder” helpful. More ideas for including kids in mealtime HERE. I love this idea for hands on learning about food!

In addition, exposure to varied food can teach kids early on about different CULTURES and WHERE AND HOW FOOD is grown. Visit local farms to show them how real food actually grows on trees and in the ground. Enjoy self picking if you have orchards that provide the option or garden if you have the talent that I do not! Do you have a dairy farm near by? (We have one that delivers milk in old fashioned glass jars to a cooler in our driveway. Our girls love him and call him the Milk Fairy. I call him HEAVEN SENT because I am no longer running to the store all the time!) Learning about the process of getting food from garden to table helps children value their nutrition and take ownership of it. I love this idea pinned on our Pinterest Board to share where different foods come from.

So meals are important, but let’s keep our focus on reasonable goals. Maybe one person in your family works late. Yes, you might have to feed the kids early, but they could sit with the spouse that works late while he/she eats and have a small dessert. Maybe your kids have activities or practice many nights a week. Aim for sitting together 2-3 times a week. And breakfast on a weekend can count. Maybe you don’t have time every night to cook or plan — in my humble opinion, a quality family experience together over bowls of cereal, outweighs anything alone in front of a screen any day. Two thirds of American families eat dinner with a T.V. on. Think of it as the T.V. robbing you from the limited number of conversations you can have with your 3 year old (there are fewer than you realize). Let’s change that statistic and together raise children who can share the highlights of their day while asking to pass the ~~cereal~~ (oops, I meant, quinoa with tilapia and asparagus).

Family meals are too important to become extinct. We need them to raise independent and healthy children. So, get to thinking about some practical, realistic ways, you can invite your favorite little guest to dinner! Here are some from our Pinterest Board – PLAY With Food to get you started. Share your ideas with us here or on Facebook! Bon appetite!

Like these ideas? We believe that linking child development to PLAY makes both parents & children smarter and happier. So we offer hundreds of examples of just that. Bonus is – they come in card form so while you can have time to digest that family dinner together because you can learn about your child while only digesting small bits of specific information at EACH stage of infant/toddler development. Want to hear more? Check out 1-2-3 Just Play With Me (great as a baby gift! and WE SHIP FOR FREE!)

Greetings From The Other Side – What I learned From A Much Overdue Girls Trip

October 10, 2013/0 Comments/in Inspiration, parenting, Uncategorized /by admin

Hi there.

It’s me, writing from the other side.

Yep, that other side. The side where children sleep through most nights, get on a bus and are away from you for 8 hours daily, and when they toilet so independently that you can longer discuss their bowel patterns with your spouse.

Yes, there is actually this side. It’s kind of odd at first, like visiting a foreign land where you keep looking around for “your people.” Just like when you became a parent for the first time, you feel a little awkward and unsure of your role and your place in line. You have a smaller purse and no longer carry baby wipes or a change of clothes. It’s weird, and foreign, and oddly unfamiliar, despite the fact that you spent a much larger percentage of your life in this world (Bk Read: Before Kids) that the one that feels comfortable to you.

But there are some serious perks too. Date nights, uninterrupted exercise (and other things), feeding yourself while not simultaneously feeding someone else, and none greater than sleep. Oh yea – and there’s another – travel. BY. YOUR. SELF.

I know it’s not everyone’s thing, but I love to travel. I love to see new places, meet new people, sit and people watch, taking in what the daily rhythm of random places feels and sounds like. I like asking waiters what “the thing” is on the menu the town in known for, and buying trinkets made from local crafters. I grew up in a family that also loved to travel. My mother’s talent for scoring deals combined with the fortune of having relatives that worked for the airlines made travel possible for the daughter of a teacher and plumber and that is one of many things I am thankful to my parents for. When I met my husband, we traveled together (gratefully he enjoys travel adventures as much as I do), and when our daughters were born, we held tight to our belief that seeing the world and experiencing life as others do, is not only essential to development of self, but is…well, super awesome. So we mastered closing a stroller and popping it back up through long security lines at the airport like masters, carted them around in carriers on our bodies while pulling wheeled luggage and balancing car seats in the other arm, packing our SUV to the roof with snacks, baby gear, and enough entertainment to go hours in the car.We ignored naps and routines many times in favor of jetting to new time zones and chose spending any extra cash on travel (places both close and far) over new clothes (I’d rather be in Hawaii in my old Target t-shirt with holes in it than home with a new spring wardrobe any day) or an updated house. We took an 11 month old and a 2 year old to Hawaii. 11 hours flying. YES. WE. DID. All in the name of exposing our kids to the world (never mind neither of them have ANY memories of the newborn whale nursing from it’s mother 7 feet from us. Oh well — another reason to go back!)

But here’s the thing, even though having kids did not stop me from traveling, it did stop me from traveling the way I used to. I don’t mean ultra posh resorts with all inclusive bars. I mean, having a whole hour to read a book. I have been a mother for almost 10 years and I have not traveled alone or with girlfriends for reasons other than work (read: child development therapists having dinner while discussing rising Autism rates – what a party!). So when I had the opportunity to join my Aunt at one of the nicest resorts in North America at a reasonable price (just plane ticket and meals) AND bring a friend – I couldn’t resist. We planned and I spent lots of time with my friends over at Trip Advisor. We aligned scheduled and secured child care (aka Daddy back up – thank you grandparents) and all was good… until my Aunt’s plans changed and we were forced with decision to still go or not. After much deliberation, we voted YES. Why not? Spontaneous choices are healthy, right? Except that rocking a 7 year old to sleep while she sobs that she doesn’t want you to leave her (WHY does this not happen when their adored father goes on guy trips?) and spending more time writing out directions by the day for your husband (“What day does she go to dance again, honey? …really?) and laying out clothes for the week complete with notes for what shoes and headbands to wear takes more time than actually flying across the continent. No wonder so many women don’t indulge themselves with time away on a girls trip. Is it really worth the hassle of (heaven forbid) arranging life without you?

I am here to say, yes, ladies, it is. And while you have all the options in the world (we keep reminding ourselves, we don’t have to hurry for ANYONE. No kid. No dog. No doctor appointment. No practice. No PTA), there is one undeniable fact. Becoming a mother changes you forever. And no matter how far you travel or how long you are away, they are never far from you. I am writing this from a time zone 2 hours away from home, but I got up at 4:50 because that’s when I would be up to get kids ready so we don’t miss the bus. I keep forgetting to shut the bathroom door (because no one is going to interrupt me). I only have 1 carry on and 1 personal item. Only 1. No booster seat. I could read on the plane – or sleep. You know what I did?

Yes. I found this guy. His mom was having a rough day flying alone and he liked us. (I almost tried to keep him and I think she might have considered given her level of tiredness).

Even though they never leave us, it is good for us to leave them. If you can rip the bandaid off quickly and give yourself time to think or be quiet enough to listen to what you need to hear, you won’t miss the message. You’ll know that reminding yourself about the woman you are will make you a stronger mother. Showing our children that we have interests (outside of them) provides a strong example of self and a positive model of a work/life/service balance. We are their first and most influential teachers. We know this without a single doubt when considering the responsibility of teaching manners, or letters and numbers, or our faith practices. Why don’t we consider it within the context of us being individuals – and not just their Moms?

It took me almost ten years to get the courage (and lose the guilt) to take the plunge (and I still almost chickened out), but I am happy I did. They are surviving this week and so am I. When I get back, I am certain we will appreciate each other more. Plus, I got to see this yesterday morning, and drink a whole cup of fresh coffee. That I didn’t make. And I didn’t have to reheat in the microwave – not even once.

Knowing when the time is right for you to step away and recharge may come at a different season than it does for a friend. But I am here to say, whenever that opportunity presents, it is worth it dear girl. Promise yourself, that even if it is a short drive away to see an old pal, that you will eventually gift yourself (and your children), with the opportunity to see the world through another’s eyes — perhaps the eyes of the very person you are right now, because even though THEY are never far from us, if we aren’t careful WE can travel far from ourselves. And there really is no place like home.

Navigating Special Education in the School Setting: What Parents Need To Know

September 4, 2013/0 Comments/in child development, IEP, parenting, School Therapy, Special Education, Special Needs, Uncategorized /by admin

Child Guide Magazine is a great source for information and to find fun activities! Milestones & Miracles is proud to team with this great FREE publication by writing a column geared toward the Special Needs/Differently Abled Population. The article below is our contribution to the FALL 2013 Issue which is filled with great “Back To School” Information. Grab yours today or view online at: http://issuu.com/childguidemagazine/docs/septoct2013cgweb

Are you a visual learner or auditory learner? Do you learn best by actually doing? Do you need a quiet room to retain what you are reading? Each one of us learns in unique ways. Many good teachers recognize learning styles, strengths, & challenges and accommodate the children within their classrooms. But what happens when simple modifications aren’t enough? Some children need additional supports and services to make the educational experience a positive one. And while learning about and implementing those services can seem very intimidating for parents, the process does not have to be.

Students 3 years of age and older that need supports and services in the public school setting receive them under Part B of the Individual’s With Disabilities Act (IDEA). This is a Federal Law that ensures special education services. If you are having concerns that typical classroom strategies are not meeting your child’s needs, speak to his/her teacher early. Sometimes, simple changes to a daily routine (such as changing seat location or providing a check list to stay on task) can make a huge difference.

If simple changes are not adequate, you or your child’s teacher may request testing to further identify strengths and challenges. The results of testing are reviewed at an eligibility meeting, usually held at the school, with parents, teachers, and other professionals (therapists, coordinators etc.) in attendance. If your child is found eligible for special education services, you can consent to move forward with an Individualized Education Plan or IEP. Parents, teachers, and others who have knowledge of your child’s specific needs such as therapists, nurses, psychologists and other professionals help create the IEP. You can invite others who know your child well and might help with the process. An IEP is a legally binding document that includes specific goals for your child, services and frequency of those services to support goals, & any additional materials needed to support your child (examples include special classroom materials, customized seating, or communication devices).

The IEP serves as the “map” to guide your child through the educational journey. It must be reviewed yearly, but can be reviewed more frequently per your request as your child changes, progresses, or new challenges arise. It is important that parents understand IDEA and their child’s rights under it. Seek out the assistance of an IEP advocate (counties hire these individuals) and ask to schedule a meeting to learn more and review policies that protect your rights. Each state develops a policy that outlines procedures for defining child find (how the state finds children that need to be tested), eligibility, and services as well as outlining parents’ rights and responsibilities. Refer to your own state’s Department of Education for more information on your specific policy or for support on learning more about individuals and organizations that serve to support parents through special education.

It is also important to understand that the IEP serves to meet your child’s EDUCATIONAL needs vs. MEDICAL needs. For example, if a child with Cerebral Palsy has tight hamstrings and an atypical walking pattern but can get around the classroom efficiently and safely, he/she would benefit from physical therapy, but would be served in a therapy clinic vs. a school setting in most cases.

Someone who knows both sides of the special education world in the public school arena is Tracey Parks. Parks is a 5th grade teacher at Tomahawk Intermediate School in Hedgesville, WV. While she has taught students of all learning styles and abilities for 18 years, she has first hand experience being a parent navigating the IEP process with her 9 year-old daughter Jordyn. She offers these wonderful tips to parents:

• COMMUNICATION IS KEY: Communication early and often. Request a meeting with all teachers who will be interacting with your child very early in the year (before the first conference) to share what works best for your child. Use a simple communication journal (could even be on a number system, such as 1= good day). Teachers have little time to write daily lengthy notes, but sharing simple information daily can be helpful to both parent and teacher. Parents might also consider sharing important things daily such as deviations to sleep routines, digestive issues, changes at home, or illnesses as they might impact the child’s day.

• YOUR CHILD NEEDS YOU TO SHOW UP: IEP meetings are your chance to learn about your child from the people who spend hours with him/her! Make arrangements if possible to be there so that you can listen and learn, share your opinion and ideas, and brainstorm as part of the team. Your participation shows your child’s team that you are sincere about working with them for the benefit of your child. If you can’t attend in person, request a phone conference.

• ASK QUESTIONS/MAKE SUGGESTIONS: Don’t be afraid to ask questions regarding your child’s education. A good teacher should be willing to take the time to explain and answer. An example is asking for a second set of books so you can help your child at home. If you know of something that benefits your child at home or in other settings, such as during private therapies, don’t hesitate to share with your child’s team.

• BE PATIENT & POSITIVE: Remember that teachers are responsible for many children besides yours. While your concern or question may be incredibly important to you, try to allow reasonable time for the teacher to respond. Go into meetings or conversations with a positive attitude. Your disposition can be contagious and can make these exchanges more productive and pleasant for both you and the teacher.

It is important for the success of each child that parents and professionals work together on common goals. Successful IEP’s do just that. While the process might seem daunting at first, it is important to remember that there are many people who care about your child and want to support you. Seek out their experience and help, lean on parents with similar experience, and keep yourself focused on your priority – your child being learning successfully!

Real Play Is Timeless

July 1, 2013/0 Comments/in Uncategorized /by admin

Every July 4th, we go on a journey….

To the land that seems stuck in time.

Where people greet you with warm hellos and hugs.

Where children sweat, and run, and swim….

and win monopoly money that can purchase ice cream for doing their best in the three legged race, the wheel barrel race, egg toss, tug of war (girls always rule!) and more.

Where my daughters hear stories about their Daddy as a child and feel the same butterflies in their tummies as they slip down the water slide as he once did.

Where kids squeal as they jump into a murky lake having the time of their lives (and their mama bites her tongue for fear of what’s under that algae).

Where casual cookouts welcome family & neighbor.

Where people take time to sit on a shaded porch and catch up while rocking.

Where children decorate bikes to show off in a parade and Uncle Sam (on stilts) hands out bubble gum and walks with them.

Where a whole community stands to say the pledge and listen to a lucky child sing God Bless America.

Where freshly showered kids in PJ’s curl on our laps and watch fireworks from their Nana’s deck.

Every year, on July 4th, we take a trip to a land that seems stuck in time. Where for one day people seem to forget about political fighting, terrorists and bombs, and the state of the economy. Where people love more and kids are allowed to be kids and PLAY HARD & it’s a beautiful thing.

Happy 4th of July Friends. Make sure to invite PLAY to your cook out!

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Park The Helicopter And Invite Play Over For A Date

June 29, 2013/0 Comments/in child development, Learning through play, parenting, Uncategorized /by admin

Did you catch the Katie Show today?

I had a rare moment of “by myself time” and happened to tune in and the topic was Parenting..in particular, over parenting.

Katie had parents, psychologists, pediatricians, and children breaking down the game of teeter totter we call PARENTING. How much is too much? Not enough? What are the consequences for being present all the time or not enough? Is attachment parent with co-sleeping and breast feeding on demand for you? Are today’s young adults (the boomerang back to home generation) a product of over parenting? Do they expect too much? Work too little? Need constant positive feedback?

It was certainly much to think about. I know I think about this more than my parents did – how about you?

While I sat there listening to views from both ends of the spectrum (both age and parenting style), I thought to myself, in the end all parents (or at least most) want a child that is happy, healthy, and independent. There are many roads we parents can choose from to get to that point and most of us base those choices on our own experiences being parented, our cultural views, and our own family goals.

The interesting message from the show was that doing too much can become a road block to independence and happiness. The parent who can’t stand their child to experience discomfort and therefore makes things as easy, simple, and pain free, may end up with a child that can’t cope when things don’t go their way. The parent who filled out the college application for their child (yep, it happens) has the child who can’t take steps to try new things on their own. The parent who steps in to navigate social situations and be a friend vs. a full time parent may end up with a child who can’t resolve conflict at work (and yes, the show reported that some adults have their parents call in to work to fix problems for them..really?).

My spin on this is…whether you are an attachment parent, a Ferber parent, a authoritarian parent, a natural parent, and free will parent, or a parent like me (who spent time today at the library with my girls, but also justified that the hours they spent planning a dance recital to perform in the kitchen tonight provided them with social and imaginative skills they need (and me with a fresh pedicure and a hour to watch TV alone!)…some sort of independence is a goal. And all those roads that hopefully eventually get us to that independent and happy state start with PLAY.

There is no better way for a young child to learn than through unstructured play (the kind that adults don’t plan out for them). When we get out of the way, their imaginations can soar. Whether they are 11 months old and pretending with a phone or 9 years old dragging every dance costume, Easter dress, and tiara to plan a recital, THEY are in charge of what they are doing and how they will learn in that moment. Take a moment to think about how you learn best. I’m not talking about that test that tells is you are a visual learner or auditory etc. I mean that no matter what your learning STYLE is, we all learn BEST through experiences of some sort. So keep in mind that if you want to have an independent child one day, you need to have a child that plays today. Without experiences, there is no learning. Even when experiences mean some dose of failure, frustration, heartache, or stitches!

Encourage children to set their own rules (within reason) to build cognitive planning abilities and to negotiate conflict and solve problems. Ignore messiness (at least for a few minutes). Feeling the stuff that gets their clothing dirty (mud or yogurt or paint — whatever your pleasure), wires learning through sensory experiences. Having to use some sort of communication to make requests (vs. meeting their needs automatically) builds independent language and self sufficiency. Jumping, climbing, skipping, and riding a bike keeps their bodies healthy, coordinated, & ready to tackle life!

Studies show that children who are well bonded to present parents early in life do well. They also show that children who have opportunities to try and fail (no matter how hard it is for them and for us) become independent.

So choose your parenting road. Give your child a hug. And then park the helicopter on the landing pad and allow play to take over!

What parenting style do you practice in your home? How does it include free and unstructured play? We’d love to know!

Want to enhance your play time with your child and when they are playing with others or alone? Check out our home page to see why Today’s Parent and In The Know Mom think that 1-2-3 Just Play With Me is the perfect choice to help you do JUST that!